


Stars

by eponine119



Category: Lost
Genre: F/M, Romance, the 70s
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:53:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23353489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eponine119/pseuds/eponine119
Summary: It was their anniversary, so they went camping on the beach.
Relationships: Juliet Burke/James "Sawyer" Ford
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	Stars

Stars  
by eponine119  
March 20-21, 2020

It was their anniversary, so they went camping. 

“I would think you might have gotten your fill of roughing it,” Juliet said as they hiked. They were wearing civilized clothes and good shoes and had backpacks with food and water. She had an actual ponytail holder in her hair. They lived in a house with air conditioning. It just happened to be a house in 1977 on a mysterious island.

Sawyer looked back over his shoulder at her. “You ever get your fill of livin' in a house?” 

“Point taken,” she said mildly. “You miss it?” 

“I miss feelin' wild. Being in the wild. Free.” 

Juliet absorbed this. She thought about it as they walked. Was he implying something about his life – their life – made him feel captive? Just when she thought she understood him, he added something new.

“We're here.” They reached the tree line, emerging onto a completely empty beach. It wasn't their beach – the survivors' beach – but it was beautiful. The sound of the crashing waves raised goosebumps on her arms. 

She dropped her backpack, then sat down next to it, digging through it to find the container of water. Bottled water wasn't really a thing back in the 70s. Not even Dharma-label. It was funny the things you forgot about. She drank the still-cool water. It felt good, going down, after the hike.

Beside her, Sawyer stepped out of his shoes and stripped off his shirt. She looked up at his lean body, still tan even though he spent most of his time in a jumpsuit. His jeans dropped to the sand and he ran for the water. He let out a holler that ended in a laugh as he immersed himself in it. “Get on over here!” 

“I'm fine,” she said, though it was warm out here and she was sweating. She sipped the water and watched Sawyer dunk himself again. Then he came walking out of the water, hair dripping into his eyes. He stopped when he cast a shadow over her. Looking up, she had to raise a hand to block out the sun glowing in the sky behind him. 

“I said, get,” he ordered, threateningly. She knew he'd let out a squeal of delight in a minute, that he wasn't serious at all. 

And she was right. When she didn't move, he grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet. Then he picked her up and tossed her over his shoulder. “James!” she screamed, as the world went out from under her. He laughed as he put her down in the surf and the waves crashed over them both. 

It felt good, being immersed in cold water on a hot day. Instantly she was breathless. Then she laughed as she splashed him. He splashed her back harder. Her clothes were soaked, clinging to her body, and his pale blue shorts might as well have been transparent. 

His hand tipped her chin up and he kissed her. His lips were soft and tasted like the ocean. She rested her hands against his bare chest as he deepened the kiss. When she pulled away, he made a soft sound, not wanting to release her. His arms circled her and pulled her in close for more. 

“That's your wild kiss?” she teased him. 

He grinned at her, and she grinned back. She couldn't help thinking about how much she loved him. But she half-wished he would kiss her like that. Like the old Sawyer might have, when he was in the wild. 

He held her hand as they went back up the beach to set up their campsite, close to the trees. She gathered twigs and sticks and built them into a small fire. “Hey,” she called, and he tossed his lighter to her, knowing what she had been about to ask. She struck the fire and watched it for a few moments, making sure it would continue to burn. She put the lighter in his shoe where it wouldn't get lost and he'd be able to find it later. 

Sawyer put up the tent, such as it was, just a line of wire that he strung between two trees and hung with a spare blanket from their house. They didn't really anticipate needing shelter. Planning to sleep under the stars was part of the appeal of the getaway. 

“Hungry?” she asked. There were sandwiches and snacks in their backpacks. 

“Thought I could catch a fish,” he replied, excitedly. 

“Have you ever?” She challenged him a low voice, but she couldn't maintain it. She looked away to try to hide her smile. There were a lot of things he did well, but hunting and fishing were not two of them. 

“Might surprise us both.” 

She watched his ass as he headed down to the water. Then she lay back on the sleeping bag they had brought with them and already unrolled. Her arms stretched over her head and she arched her back because it felt so good. The sun was in her eyes, so she rolled onto one side. With her head pillowed on her arm, she watched him play in the water in the name of fishing. In the heat of the afternoon, her eyelids grew heavy and finally she closed them. 

She roused into the twilight. Something smelled good on the fire. He sat next to her, with his hand on her thigh and a face-down book close to his other hand. He was looking at her, so she smiled at him, still feeling sleepy. She couldn't think of the last time she'd had a nap, and it felt unbelievably luxurious. “You're watching me sleep?” Her voice came out thick and soft and amused. 

He traced a line down her thigh with his fingertip. “You're beautiful,” he said, like he'd never said it before, to anyone. 

Her eyebrows drew together for a moment. It wasn't the kind of thing he usually said. It left her feeling muddled. “So are you,” she settled on as a reply. “What's for dinner? It smells good.” 

“Fish.” 

“I notice you didn't say the fish you caught,” Juliet said. She looked at the book lying on the sand, pages parted to hold his place. He was a lot further into it than he had been last night when they went to bed. Also, his hair was dry. “More like the fish you brought.” 

“What can I say? Jin always did the fishing.” He didn't mind being caught by her. They'd both known he wouldn't be able to catch anything. 

He got up to dish out the food at the fire. She watched him, thinking about this trip and what he'd just said. Were they trying to re-create the old days, either intentionally or unintentionally? Or was it just that being on the beach naturally led their thoughts there? 

He returned with the plates and handed one to her. She ate with her fingers and was surprised by how good it was. 

“It's delicious,” she said, and noticed he was watching her again. “Why are you looking at me?” 

Instantly, concern creased his face. “Is it weird?” 

She shrugged and shook her head a little. She didn't mind it, but it wasn't like him. It seemed strangely vulnerable.

“You watch me all the time.” 

“That's different,” she joked. “I'm keeping an eye on you.” She hadn't thought he'd noticed.

“Funny,” he said. 

Even as the subject was dropped, and they ate in companionable silence, she thought about it. She did keep an eye on him. Not just because he was nice to look at. But because she didn't feel sure of him, even here and now, when he was with her and had been with her for a year. When he was clearly choosing to be with her. She wasn't sure why that was. 

It had never occurred to her that she wasn't someone he could be sure of. 

Maybe it hadn't occurred to him either. 

“What's for dessert?” she asked, having cleaned her plate. 

“Me.” He raised his eyebrows at her. 

One corner of her mouth turned up. “Read your book.” She took his clean plate and hers and pushed up from the sand. She grabbed the cooking pan from the fire and took the dishes down to the water and rinsed them thoroughly. 

While she washed, she looked at the sky, faintly streaked with the colors of sunset. Darkness was encroaching on the horizon. The sun had almost completely set, and the wind was beginning to feel cool.

He'd moved closer to the fire and she sat down next to him on the sand. She tasted the salt from the sea spray on her lips and felt the slight heat and tightness in her skin that came from being out in the sun too long. Watching the mesmerizing play of the flames, she thought that she felt perfectly content, for once in her life. 

Sawyer nudged her with his shoulder. He'd pulled on his jeans and his shirt, but the shirt wasn't buttoned. “So this is how you celebrate an anniversary.” 

“Haven't you ever done it before?” Again, he'd managed to surprise her. 

He moved his shoulders. Tipped his head up in the way that made his hair fall back out of his eyes. “In high school, me 'n this girl had a two-week anniversary.” He glances at her. “I bought her a teddy bear because she told me to.” 

“Smooth, James. Then what happened?” She watched the firelight play over his face. The way the sparks reflected in his eyes. 

“Couple days later she broke up with me. Threw the bear at me. Bounced right off my nose. She had a good aim. At least it wasn't flowers.” 

“Why did you break up?” Juliet asked, leaning in closer to him. She was interested in the story. It was hard for her to picture James in high school. 

He sighed. “Cheated on her. Of course.” 

“Of course,” she repeated, not sure what to make of it. That it was a given for him. 

“It was ninth grade. She wasn't exactly the love of my life.” He reached for her hand then, and held it. It felt significant, and for a moment, Juliet had to look up at the sky to clear the tears that flooded her eyes. 

She realized, with horror, that she wanted him to say the words to her. And mean them. She wanted to be the love of his life. 

But she knew in her heart that she never would be. 

So she would hold his hand instead. She'd decided a long time ago that the only way to be with him was to take what he offered and not press for more. Not yearn for more. But then came weak moments like these. It was hard not to want things. 

“Do you believe in aliens?” she asked. 

“What?” he sputtered, surprised. 

She looked up at the sky. Out here, away from any lights, it's a deep blue-purple, glittered with stars. He looked up, following her gaze. Then he put his head on her shoulder, still looking at the sky. She enjoyed the weight of it against her. She caught the scent of his hair conditioner, and the subtle smell of his body that belonged to him and no one else. The one that sometimes made her hold his shirts to her nose and inhale before putting them into the washer. 

“Maybe,” he answered her question, his voice close to her ear. 

She drew a deep breath. It was a fair answer, though she'd have liked to hear more. 

“What do you think?” 

“I want to believe,” she said, with a tiny smile. “Nobody wants to be alone.” 

“What if they turn out to be giant bugs?” He was thinking of some book he read, she just knew it. 

“They could be interesting giant bugs. And the odds that out of all the worlds in all the galaxies, that we would be the only ones...” 

“More things in heaven and earth, Horatio,” he said. “You ever want to go up there?” 

“To space?” Now he's surprised her. “I never wanted to be an astronaut. But if the opportunity presented itself, why not?” 

“I'm staying on the ground.” His hair tickled her neck. He wasn't looking up anymore. 

“It would be a long way to fall.” She thought about how extraordinary it was that they ever met. That they ever became a them. A plane falling out of the sky. A man jumping out of a helicopter. “Did you ever learn the constellations?” 

He shook his head against her. “I could never see 'em. Never looked like what they were supposed to be. I can find the big dipper, sometimes, that's about it.” 

“Me either. I'd draw my own. I made up names for them but then I'd forget.” 

“Stories,” he said. 

“Yeah, the myths were good. The real ones. Funny that people would name the stars.” 

His hand, pointing, came into her field of vision. “That one's Joe.” She laughed. “Billy. Moe.” 

“Moe's the best. What's your sign? Moe. You're a Leo? I'm a Moe.” 

He breathed. She did, too, into the silence. The weight of his head lifted from her shoulder. Then he said softly, “We can call that one Claire. There's Charlie. That bright one, Hurley.” So he had been thinking of the beach, too. The before-time. She held her breath now. Waited to see where this will go. “Jack,” he said, and it hurt. 

“Jack,” she agreed. 

“Them two right there, so close they look like one star splitting? Those can be Sawyer and Juliet.” 

“James--” she said. His name. Not correcting him, but starting to say something unfinishable.

“James,” he corrected himself. 

“You break my heart every day,” she said. 

“You gonna throw a teddy bear at my nose?” 

“No,” she said, looking at him now. Intensely. 

“A man learns from his mistakes.” He looked at her, but then just as quickly looked away. “Thinkin' about that girl...I think you might be the first one.” 

Her heart started thumping. “The first one what?” 

His eyes met hers, burning. “The first one I ever really loved.” 

“James. No.” Why did this make her feel so sad, for him? “What about --” She still can't say her name. 

He shook his head, pressing his lips together. “Not like this.” 

“It's different every time.” Her voice was soft. 

“Damn it, woman, when I'm saying I'm in love with you, you're not supposed to talk me out of it.” 

“You're right,” she said seriously. 

The look in his eyes changed then, to fear. “You're supposed to say it back.” 

It crossed her mind to make him wait. But even just the second it took for the thought to flit through her mind made the expression in his eyes unbearable. “I love you, James. I have loved you for a very long time. How do you not know that already?” 

“Sometimes I gotta hear the words.” 

“I love you,” she whispered into his ear. Would whisper as many times as he needed to hear it, until it reached those dark, doubting places in his soul and finally started to heal them. “I love you I love you I love --” 

His mouth captured hers. He swallowed her words. Took them from her tongue. 

They came together desperately. She peeled back his shirt and he stripped hers over her head. They kissed again. She gasped as his thumbs brushed her breasts and she undid his jeans, feeling the heat and the weight of him. He met her need with his own and they made love there in the sand next to the fire. 

He entered her quickly and roughly. She raised her hips up to meet him, but he drove her back into the sand, with one hand on her hip, holding her down. It excited her a little, being pinned. His eyes were closed and she watched him. The way his face changed as he thrust, as he quested for release, as he soared. She wondered if it was different for him now that he'd said the words to her. Or had he been thinking them all this time and keeping it inside? 

He kept his eyes closed when he was finished. With his fingers, he reached down between her legs and started to work over that small spot that brought such pleasure. She watched his concentration and his smile until she had to close her eyes with the intensity of what she was feeling. Her body grew rigid and she tried to lift her hips off the sand, almost trying to fight the release, but then she came. 

He lay against her for a little while with one arm across her stomach. She drifted back from that languid, far-away place. His breath ruffled her hair and she thought he might be watching her again. She turned her head to look at him and caught the unguarded expression in his eyes. 

They walked hand in hand down to the ocean to wash away the sweat and the sand. His hair was stiff and almost wavy with dried salt water. Her own was a hopeless tangle. Her skin felt raw from lying in the sand, but he smoothed water over her back for her, repeating the motion over and over until she was washed clean. She raised her face up to kiss him again and he held her until they both started to feel cold in the night air. 

On top of the sleeping bag, they made love again. Sweeter the second time, as they lingered over it. He started with her first, focusing his attention on her. He slicked her with her own wetness, then put two fingers inside. Stroked her with them until she felt full and aroused and electric. But he stopped while she was breathless and longing, halting what had been building. He removed his fingers and didn't touch her for a moment, long enough to bring her back from the brink.

He kissed her and then slid into her, thick and deep and slow. His angle was exquisite as he rocked against her, pressing deeper, and she could only cry out his name and let go. He let a sound leak out of his mouth as she pulsed hard around him. He stopped and held her against him until her tremors subsided, and then he started again. Erratic now, close himself, until he tumbled into that pleasant abyss. 

Spent, he fell asleep beside her. But she could never sleep afterward, and tonight was no exception. Her mind was too full and too busy, woken up by her body. So she lay beside him and watched the stars. One shot across the sky, gorgeous in its intensity, and she thought, I wish... I wish, I wish, I wish. 

(end)


End file.
